Day 27 - CCAM - Insight from two Sensational Siblings!
It’s fairly typical that siblings of a child with cancer in the family get a raw deal. The ones that are healthy and still need attention from parents and other adults in their lives may think they are overlooked, and are a lot of the times, that’s the case however, never intentional. It’s because the kid with a cancer diagnosis and all its craziness that turns families upside down, trumps the healthy kid(s) every time (or most every time). At least that is what I saw in my experience in watching other families deal with the same issues we had to deal with.
Of course, it’s not right.
Maybe not healthy in those trying times either. But, when in the trenches in the war on cancer for a young child, families become part of the vortex of it all, including the healthy and loving siblings. I can say we tried extra hard to keep Olivia in the loop on Ryan’s treatment plan and most all the goings on with his care - all delivered to her in age appropriate terms. She was four when Ryan was diagnosed at age two.
When Olivia was 7 years old, she was able to attend Special Love’s BRASS camp (a brother/sister kids camp that does not include the cancer kid- because the cancer kids have their own camp: Camp Fantastic).
So, at 7, Olivia (who lived in Maryland) met her eventual best friend, Liz (who lived in Northern VA) at BRASS. It’s a blessing that Liz and Olivia are still best friends today. They went to the same college: James Madison University, and now they live 10 minutes from each other in Richmond.They understand each other and the lives they had to live with a sick sibling and beyond.
I’m visiting here in Richmond, VA, this weekend, so I had the pleasure of asking them both to share a bit about being a sibling to a cancer kid. Their words are profound, and a glimpse of how they got through tough moments:
From Liz:
At times in my life, being the sibling of a childhood cancer survivor was my identity but it has since moved more passively into my identity and the way I care for those around me. Now being a mother myself, I think about my own mom and what she carried on a daily basis. The average person passing by didn’t know the gravity of what was going on at home. When my kids want an extra minute to play or are asking me to watch them do a mundane thing I’ve watched 100x over, I like to remind myself how grateful I am to have the gift of healthy, innocent little kids.
The same holds true as I move about my day, making sure I pause and really say thank you and understand how someone’s day is- often trying to pass along some encouragement. We don’t know the battles other people are fighting but we are in control of the kindness, sincerity, and care we provide for those around us.
From Olivia:
1. Being a sibling of a child going through cancer treatment lends itself to being comfortable with the uncomfortable and the uncertain from a very young age. Small inconveniences just don’t matter that much when you’ve spent Christmases and birthdays in the hospital. My daily outlook and lease on life has fully been shaped by my childhood, and I’m grateful to bring that with me to all facets of my life.
2. Support is key! We’ve met so many wonderful people through the cancer community and it’s irreplaceable to have someone understand what you’re going through. Liz and I met 27 years ago, siblings of the same age going through treatment at the same time, and have been in lock step ever since. There is an unbreakable bond, out of the worst of times, but we’ve been fortunate enough to celebrate the best of times (weddings! new jobs! babies!) together.
A Big Shout of THANKS to Olizia (That’s a nickname of their combined names!).
To the Siblings…I’m going Gold for you, too. 🎗️🎗️ 💕 You were the backbone of the family during some very trying times.
Terri
Photos through the years - photo 5 is the most recent photo of Olivia &Liz.
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